You are more incredible than you realize

Last week after choir practice, I was headed to my car when a choir mate caught up to me. We were both in a marketing meeting for the choir a few weeks before and she was wondering if that's what I did for a living because she thought I had some incredible insights.

When she said this, I stared at her dumbfounded. The things she was mentioning didn't feel that revolutionary to me. My contributions to the marketing team included a simple email roadmap, some quick comments around how to set up more tracking so we could better understand the success of our channels, and small insights from our email data. It wasn't like I'd done something sexy like create a whole new brand voice or have a video go viral on TikTok.

But here's here's the thing: the team already had awesome branding and engaging social media. If I'd come in and tried to insert myself in these areas – which I'm subpar at, at best – I would have probably just gotten in the way. Instead, I leaned into my strengths (data, email strategy, tracking), as boring as they seem to me, because I saw the possibility of what could happen if we filled those gaps. And when I did that, I made a big impact and everyone got excited.

This is what I tend to forget: the things I take for granted about myself are often the things other people desperately need and therefore find extraordinary.

Society (particularly capitalistic society) likes us to sit around and worry about all the ways we're lacking compared to everyone else. But we're not all meant to be the same! We're meant to be complements to each other so we lean on each other in community. In doing so, we're able to create something stronger than we could create on our own.

In a song, you might assume the melody is the most important part because that's what everyone knows. But the melody is actually pretty boring without the chords underneath supporting it. The chords are what create mood, tension, resolution, and progression. I love this break down of what makes "What it Sounds Like" from KPop Demon Hunters so addictive – and spoiler, it's not the melody. In a business, you probably assume the CEO is the most important person. But there isn't a company to lead if no one's building the website, packing boxes (when there's a physical product), or paying taxes. In a hospital, you might assume everyone should aspire to be a doctor. But nurses are the ones who do most patient care, lab technicians run your tests, and janitors make sure the floor of your room isn't covered in... all the things you don't want the floor to be covered in. On a film set, you might think the movie star is the most important person. But no one can hear them deliver their lines if the boom operator isn't holding their mics, no one can see them if the gaffer hasn't gotten the lights to work properly, and no one will care if the director of photography hasn't framed them well or the editor hasn't brought all the scenes together in an interesting way.

I could go on forever. But the point is, each and every one of us has something important and unique to contribute to our communities. The idea that one person or set of skills is more important than another is a lie whose goal is to always make us think we're not good enough so we'll work harder, buy more, and stay distracted from the real, impactful contributions we're making or could be making. How many people are miserable (and/or not really that good at what they do) because they believed they needed to keep climbing the ladder or take on a job they weren't that excited about in order to have real impact on the world? If you've ever had a terrible manager, doctor, CEO, lawyer, etc, this lie is probably why.

But in order to break that cycle, we have to be willing to see our strengths and embrace them as valuable, even the world hasn't acknowledged they are. Not only will you be happier, you'll also make it possible for the people who are looking for the skills you bring to the table to find you!

So what exactly counts as a strength? Well, we would be here forever if I listed everything out. But here are some that you might not have thought of:

• Doing math in your head
• Navigating without a computer telling you step by step instructions
• Communicating ideas clearly and succinctly
• Speaking more than one language
• Starting conversations with anyone and everyone
• Staying cool under pressure
• Knowing the names of all your neighbors
• Standing up for the people around you, even the ones you don't know
• Listening to someone talk and understanding what they're really saying
• Listening to someone talk without giving a single shred of advice
• Thinking before you speak
• Sitting in silence without trying to fill it
• Noticing patterns
• Arriving on time
• Teaching others effectively
• Leading others effectively
• Planning and organizing events big and small
• Acting spontaneously
• Making people feel appreciated

If you're reading some of these thinking, That's not that special. I can do that in my sleep! I guarantee there's someone else reading that exact same bullet point saying to themselves, Wow, I wish I could do that or Wow, I really need someone who can do that.

As I mentioned, that list is not even close to complete. So take some time to think about these questions:

What are the things you do or lean toward naturally? Because chances are, these are the gifts you've taken most for granted. They're also the ones that are the easiest for you bring into everyday situations. We often assume that we have to expend a lot of effort and energy to be helpful or valuable, but the things we do naturally often cost little effort and can make a huge impact!

What do people complement you on? Sometimes, other people can see our gifts and the value they bring better than we can. Especially pay attention to the complements that you want to brush off. Because, again, the things you think are easy or that everyone can do are actually not as common as you think and you're probably taking your gifts for granted.

Why do people come to you for advice? If people come to you for advice (not just to complain), try to figure out why. Maybe you're a subject area expert (i.e. my sister is always getting medical questions as a nurse practitioner). Maybe you're good at looking at situations objectively. Maybe you're good at asking follow up questions. Maybe it's something else! Use these situations to explore what's happening and/or ask the next person who comes to you why they came to you specifically.

What do you do that feels over the top or maybe even embarrassing? When I was a kid, everyone in tap class hated me because I actually knew my steps for our performance and they didn't. They thought I was a show off. And I felt really subconscious for years when I aced French tests and threw the curve, when my calculus teacher would have me come up to the board and walk the class through our proofs, when I would have answers in meetings and classes that drew blanks from others. But now I'm the person people seek out in choir to make sure they have their choreography right. People in my section tell me that they rely on me for notes and entry points when they're unsure because they know I have it. The places where you think you are too much might actually be gifts that have just been shamed in the past. Give yourself some compassion and explore how the things you're embarrassed by might actually be gifts in the right context.

What are the spaces you usually occupy with other experts? Going back to my story about my marketing skills at the beginning, everything I was complimented on was something that really didn't seem that hard to me. But that's because I've spent over ten years in the field, absorbing, learning, and doing. I would not have been able to make the suggestions I make now or do the analyses I do now when I first started ten years ago. You have a lot of hard-earned knowledge that you might not even realize is rare if you're surrounded by people who specialize in the same thing. In fact, you might even feel behind in these spaces (I certainly do). But go into a space where people have other areas of expertise and notice their reactions when you start to bring your expertise into the room. That's where magic collaborations happen.

As you notice areas where your strengths lie, start to think about where you can apply them more in your life. This is especially true of things that aren't work related. For instance, as I started to realize one of my gifts was listening intently and being present with others, I started to challenge myself to show up in more situations really present. I could show up to meetings and not multitask, make conversation with someone standing in line with me at the post office or pharmacy, and listen without distractions when my sister comes home from work and tells me about her day.

It's small. But think about how often you have someone's full attention when you're talking to them. How does it make you feel when you do have that?

That's how all of your gifts, large and small, make someone else feel. So don't take them for granted! You are more incredible than you realize. Embrace your gifts and let them shine for everyone to see.

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